


Secret From My God

by AmayaNoCho



Category: Bleach
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon, Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, F/M, Flirting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-07
Updated: 2015-11-07
Packaged: 2018-04-30 11:02:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5161319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmayaNoCho/pseuds/AmayaNoCho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Recently, Gin's been finding that thoughts and a blank environment aren't exactly a great way to pass time on their own all the time. Bored and curious, Gin hopes for something to happen out in the vast desert beyond the walls, watching from the walls for something, anything, to work as a distraction from hidden feelings and nothing to do. </p><p>When the ruler himself shows to chat, however, it becomes impossible for Gin to ignore these feelings and the possibility that not his, but <em>her</em> greatest secret is known. </p><p>But would it really be so bad to share it with him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Secret From My God

Gin watched the motionless white sands of the desert outside of the great white palace, arms folded on the wall that surrounded the palace Aizen rules. Gin's light blue eyes slowly searched that vast desert for something, anything, that might actually catch the ex-captain's attention, that might actually act as a distraction for a while. 

Ever since the three came here, Gin's mind had been going on random tangents about things which most couldn't really hold a good conversation about. Aizen could talk intellectually with Gin about them, Kaname sometimes, maybe one of the Espada (usually depended on what exactly the topic was, then if they really cared to listen), but Gin wanted something to focus on that wasn't some random idea coming to mind on its own. There was an especially added in when Aizen himself came to mind, the one topic which Gin chose not to discuss with anyone and tried so hard to avoid.  
With very few distractions to come by in this great land of white, Gin's mind kept returning to that feeling, that emotion which the silver-haired right hand of the ruler did not want to have to think about. As far as anyone was concerned, Gin was nothing more than the second-in-command, the man who stood by Aizen loyally, like Kaname, but was relied on more so than the other. 

Not a lovesick woman posing as a man to try to both hide her femininity from those below her and hide this forbidden feeling toward the ruler, the man who acted as a god to them all. She was sure no one knew, not even Aizen himself, as she had taken on this facade at a very young age, before he had even first met her, which was at first simply for survival reasons while she was out in the rukongai, a way to avoid any unsightly attention or unwanted doting from others while having to care for herself. She knew just how differently women are treated compared to men, and she hated it.  
She felt her hand go to her chest now, a gesture of recognition of the binder she wore underneath the white outfit she wore as Aizen's right hand man. Were it not for that, she knew that after she had begun to develop physically so many years ago, she would have been discovered as a woman. Would it have had any effect on anything, though? 

Soifon is a woman, but she is also recognized as a captain; Momo is such a fragile girl, yet she is recognized as a lieutenant; Sajin was revealed to pretty much be a dog on two legs, yet he, too, is recognized as a captain still. One would think not, then, but Gin knew otherwise. Women are always treated as flowers in a vase by men, as fragile glass figures of beauty and wonder, needing to be protected by men unless they could truly prove otherwise, a challenge most chose not to take.  
Soifon was an impressive example of a success story for this, but Gin knew she was still with that feminine fragility, knew she was still with those moments of weakness and emotion, despite what she had her division and others see of her. 

"Is everything alright, Gin?" She looked away from the empty desert beyond the wall to meet the brown eyes of Aizen himself, the ruler standing now only but a few feet away to her left. He hadn't startled her, but she hadn't expected him to show up here, of all places, either.  
"Just bored," she replied with that usual masculine touch to her voice, covering up her real voice as she looked back out into the desert. "Whatcha doin' out 'ere, though, if I may ask? Thought ya'd be busy with th' arrancar 'n whatnot."  
"For now, things are tame among them." Gin smirked at this.  
"Really, now?" Aizen rested his hands on the wall while Gin folded her arms on it once more, leaning back forward again. 

"Barragan and Kaname are at one of their chess games," he began, "Coyote is doing his usual napping, Zommari was meditating, last I saw."  
"Well, none a those 're surprisin'," Gin commented with a shrug. "They all usually don' cause ya trouble, unless Barragan's in one a 'is moods." Gin hated when Barragan got like that, which is why she was glad it didn't happen very often.  
"True," Aizen agreed. "Yammy was simply being bored back in his palace, last I saw of him, so he should be behaving. Harribel was spending some leisure time with her fraccion, Ulquiorra was reading, Nnoitra and Grimmjow were simply about."  
"An' ya don't think those two 're gonna do anythin' bad?" Grimmjow was the most rebellious of the Espada, probably the most rebellious of all the arrancar, while Nnoitra was, as far as Gin could tell, a troublesome sexist bastard. As far as she could tell, the fact that they could get along at times was concerning when they did.  
"If they do, they shall be handled." Gin considered this before giving a shrug. It was true, and she knew it. If Aizen wasn't given a complaint about them acting up first, either Ulquiorra or Kaname would probably pacify them.  
"So, what about th' remainin' two Espada?"  
"Szayel's locked himself up in his palace doing his usual," he replied, which was easily translated to Szayel being wrapped up in some sort of experimenting, "and Aaroniero was remaining within his own palace as well." If they weren't going anywhere, it was clear they weren't stirring up any trouble. 

"So, any reason ya decided t' come out here while ya got free time?" Usually he remained within the palace, not going outside of it or onto the wall like this without some sort of reason behind it.  
"I thought you might want some company," he replied, "and perhaps something better to do than simply staring out into the desert with your thoughts."  
"Would be nice," Gin admitted with another shrug, "'specially since I can't seem t' find anythin' ta do inside now that'd actually keep me occupied fer a while 'cept sleep." Aizen looked now from the desert to the other ex-captain.  
"I can think of something that could potentially keep you busy for a considerable amount of time, actually." The older shinigami was now not a couple feet away from her anymore, but directly beside her, his arms folded on the wall just like hers while he was now also leaning forward, bringing himself that much closer to her as he looked now at her face. "Seems you'd enjoy it," he added, "from what I can tell." She looked at him, surprised to hear this before looking away quickly to hide the color that was now coming to her cheeks. 

Was he gay? If he was implying what she was thinking he was, then either he was into other guys or he had figured her out, which the second option wouldn't have surprised her all too much, knowing how easily he seemed to catch onto things. "Enjoy what? Ya get some kinda new toy from the human world?" That was a possibility, too, that he had gotten something from the human world, like perhaps a television or some sort of gadget they used to kill time there, and was wanting to show it to her. That would be nice, too...  
"No, not this time." He had his lips to her ear now. "Tell me, Gin, have I been on your mind as of recent? I cannot help but feel so." She couldn't help the shiver that ran up her spine. He knew about that?  
"Heh, seems ya caught me." She gave a nervous, small laugh. "Kinda hard not t' have ya pop int' my head every now an' then, though, what with ya bein' in charge an' all."  
"Oh, but that isn't the reason for it, now, is it?" Aizen placed an arm around her shoulders. "Come now, don't be shy, Gin; that isn't like you at all." She could tell he was enjoying this. Was he just teasing her, trying to get under Gin's skin, or did he actually mean that offer of his? "You can be honest with me about it." 

"A-Aizen, yer a li'l close, ya know... What if someone sees us like this?"  
"Then they see us like this. Nothing bad will come of it." Of course, he was right; Aizen was well-respected by pretty much everyone (but Grimmjow, as far as Gin could tell), so there were no consequences for him to worry about if he was caught in such a position with anyone, really.  
"Ya know I'm a guy, though, Aizen, an' so do they..." Gin knew by this point that her feelings were definitely exposed to him, her pulse racing while she struggled to not look at him, so there was no good way to get herself out of this.  
She also knew that his response to this would determine whether or not he was hitting on her as a man or as a woman. "Doesn't mean we can't have a little fun together," he seemed to purr. He's hittin' on me as a man, then, Gin decided, not as a woman. It was somewhat of a relief to hear that he hadn't picked up on this, especially since if he didn't, there was pretty much no chance that any of the Espada or Kaname had. It was, however, also a disappointment to her, since this meant he might not actually love her. 

"An' what about an heir, hm? Surely ya want one a those, right?" She could feel his lips against the side of her throat now, causing her face to warm from the growing blush. He'd never come this close to her before... This almost seemed dangerous, letting him do this while still thinking her a man.  
"Szayel's already solved that issue, Gin..." She brought a hand to her mouth, hoping she wouldn't make any sounds that she wouldn't be able to make masculine enough to keep her true biological gender secret.  
"Didn' expect ya t' like guys like this," she struggled out. "Ya have any feelin' at all 'bout women?"  
"Now, why would you ask that, Gin?" She bit at her bottom lip, fear squeezing her heart in a tight fist. She wasn't just playing with fire with him, but with venom that worked at the mere touch of it to the skin, and she was with her finger but centimeters from it. If she went about this wrong or waited too long, she'd have her whole hand in the venom with a sword at her throat to add. 

"Curiosity," she lied, something which he seemed to catch onto quite swiftly.  
"Surely that isn't your reason? I told you you can be honest with me about this." Well, no lyin' around this one now, she decided, an' no point tryin', really.  
"Well," she tried, "what if, say, someone who's been seemin' male was female?" She knew he would catch onto the implication she was making with this.  
"I would be quite impressed to discover such a thing has been kept a secret from me for so long successfully," he replied, "and right under my nose, too." She felt his hand slip into the front of her outfit, landing on the binding just over her right breast, bringing out a small gasp from her lips.  
"A-Aizen-"  
"You know, even with this, my offer stands, Gin." She looked at him now, a rush of relief coming over her at how this went.  
"Ya mean that?" He pressed his lips to hers now, answering her question easily. 

"Perhaps you could go without this?" Gin wasn't sure how to feel about this suggestion regarding the binder. How would everyone else react to this? She was sure it would definitely piss Nnoitra off, what with how he was already displeased with Harribel being Tercera Espada, and Nelliel before her. "If anyone is unhappy with the change, I can handle them."  
"I know ya can." Aizen smirked.  
"I will handle them, Gin, if anyone tries anything."  
"Guess I can try t' go without it," she decided, also allowing herself to relax her voice. "Glad this outfit fits me loosely already."  
"Are you sure you want to simply continue to wear this outfit of yours? Could have something else made for you," he offered, amused by the unsure expression on Gin's face that followed this.  
"Knowin' the outfits most a th' gals here wear," she replied, "I think I'd rather just stick with this. No offense 'r nothin'." 

"That is understandable... You have a lovely voice, Gin."  
"Th-Thanks," she replied quickly, not at all feeling even close to sure about this. She was going to be allowing herself to be seen as a woman, not a man anymore, but it didn't seem so bad, at least not while alone with Aizen like this. Would probably be more uncomfortable around everyone else, however. She'd just have to try to both get used to what would come with this and also brace herself for it, too.  
"Shall we return to the palace, then, so you can comfortably remove the binder?" Gin gave him a small smirk at this.  
"What, ya really want it off me that much?"  
"One cannot help but be curious, you know." She looked toward the main palace with her light blue eyes thoughtfully as she straightened herself. 

"May as well do it now," she decided, "make sure I don' back down from doin' this before I even start." The brown-haired ruler stood himself up beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder.  
"You seem nervous about doing this, Gin." Of course he would pick up on it.  
"I'll be a'right." So long as he kept her at his side, she was sure this would all be fine.  
No one here would dare to touch what Aizen values, after all, let alone attempt to damage such a thing.


End file.
